New Years Goal

So there is always the typical goals...lose weight, be a better housekeeper, keep up on money management..things like that. But this year I am adding two goals that I really really hope to accomplish.

The first is to read the Book of Mormon with my hubby all the way through. I'm ashamed to say I've never read it all the way through and I think it be about time I do so! So why not do it with my best friend. :)

The second is to write in journals...yes you read that right journals. Not only mine but I'm going to start a new project. I will have a journal for each of my four children and write down things they accomplished, funny things they said or thoughts I had about them that day or week. I know it won't be a daily thing but I hope to write in each of them at least every two or three days or when the thoughts arise. :) I thought this would be a fun way for me to remember things and them to read later in life. I'm actually really excited about it!

what are some of the goals you have for this upcoming year?

My boys

I just have to share this. I absolutely love love love my boys! I love how much they love each other.

Seriously Brian adores his son and Dean feels the same way about his daddy. Dean can be all wiggly and uncomfortable with me and calm right down and be at peace the minute he hits daddy's lap. Even when I'm nursing him and Brian is sitting next to me he would rather watch daddy then bond with me. haha.

Here is a picture to show just how much they love and adore each other.

don't you absolutely just love this picture? I do. I love my boys.

1900's

On Friday I picked up the girls, then we drove to Dean's daycare and picked him up. As we were driving to meet some of my family at McDonalds the girls sang Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer to me. They were forgetting some of the special inserts like "like a light bulb and HoHoHoHo" so I helped them out when they got stuck. After the song, here is the conversation that we had...

Bethanie: Mom how did you know all those words to the song?
Me: That song has been around for a very long time
Juliet: Ya from like the 1980's
Silence
Me wallowing in the self pity of knowing my kids officially consider me old!

It was pretty funny actually. :)

Should have

so for weeks Brian and the little nagging voice in my head kept telling me to get all the pics off my phone. Tomorrow I kept telling it, when I have time.
Again - get the pictures
Tomorrow I kept telling it, when I do my blog
Get the pictures.
I will right after I take this last video of my darling baby boy.

Too late.

That's right....my SD card corrupted and all my pictures and videos from the last year and a half are gone....Gone. Brian looked and looked and he couldn't bring them back. I am going to try to take it to the Sprint store to see if they can recover them, but I have a feeling its hopeless.

I'm devastated. Thankfully I did send various family and friends some of the cutest pictures or uploaded them to FB...so not all is lost...just most. Like Bethanie's spelling Bee and the girls's kindergarten graduation. Halloween and birthdays....all of it.

so moral of this tale. Always back up your pictures and never ignore the voice in your head!

Delay

I know I said I wou;d post about the added drama of Dean's birth.....but he has been verry needy lately and i'm plain tired. so it will come. but it will be delayed. :)

The end of the beginning

On this day last month Dean was born. So here is his story. I will spare you the other details ;) other then say Dean was conceived in love with the man I can't imagine my existence with out. I was so excited to be pregnant and we both prayed for a boy. Then came the joys of pregnancy...I was sick for almost five months, living off of protein shakes and chicken nuggets.

Brian was a doll and even rubbed my back a few times while I puked yet again on an empty stomach. Not my finest moments! and I thought it would never end. Everyday I would get up to go to work and pray I wouldn't puke in my car that I would be able to make it to the office. A couple times I would work my second job which is bar tending for the local theatre and some of the customers would come over smelling of assorted drinks and snacks and it would take everything I had not to yak right there at the bar!

Then one day my sickness subsided and I was overjoyed....until the next wave of joy came along. Hurting joints and hips. My hips hurt so bad I thought it would be better to just rip them off and go thru the rest of my life legless! There were days I couldn't get out of bed without Brians help and it still took me several tries because of the pain.

But through it all I watched my belly grow and round out. :) and I felt my precious baby moving. It really is an awe inducing moment to know that you are carrying a living being inside you...not only carrying but growing. That you are the only one that can give this child what it needs and protect it completely. And even though I was super sick and I hurt sooo badly. I wanted to keep him for as long as possible.

I was due October 28th, but because it was a scheduled C-section they had me come in for the surgery on October 21st. I worked up to the 20th and can I tell you I cried the night before because I wasn't ready to be apart from him. I know I would have him but I wanted it to be just me and him still...I wasn't' ready to share. Brian was though. He was so ready to see his boy.

So morning of surgery. I woke up at 3am to eat a meal...I couldn't eat for 8-9 hours before surgery so I had a bowl of cheerio's with banana's. I played on the Internet and then went back to bed. A few hours later we got the girls up and drove them to boys and girls club. Then we tinkered around a bit and then made it to the hospital for our 11am check in.

They got me in a little pre op room where both Brians parents and mine met us to see us off to surgery. so one of the awesome things about having a baby is you get to get poked and prodded all the time. I was getting an IV....easy right? they give IV's all the time. Nope...not in my family. The nurse started on my left hand and was digging and digging and finally found the vain....but once she put in the needle to the vain she hit a nerve. I thought I was going to die. It was one of those pains where you couldn't even scream right away because it literally took your breath away! My mother in law took one look at my face and told the nurse that wasn't going to work. I"m so glad she was watching me and told her that or else she might have kept going! so they took it out and re did it on my right wrist. Do you know to this day if you touch my left wrist the wrong way that hit nerve still flares up and hurts. Its insane.

Finally the doc came in, we chit chatted with her for a bit. I love my doctor, she is simply amazing. and then off to the surgery room we went. Brian went one way and I went the other. He had to put on his fancy scrubs and they had to get me all prepped.

As I sat on the table while they did the epidural, I realized without a doubt this was the last one I was having. Not that the epidural was super painful or anything. It just brought back the memories of what I was about to put my body thru and I knew without a doubt I was done. I had an inkling before but this was absolute. So I was numbed up and ready to go. Brian finally came in and sat next to me. He had his camera at the ready. :D

At 1:53 they cut into me and started getting all the nasty stuff out of the way. I could hear the docs giving their doc lingo about what they were cutting and fluid volume and color. I kept looking at Brian and he kept squeezing my hand and smiling. At 1:54pm they pulled him out and we heard his first little cry. It bring tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I told Brian to go cause he wanted to tape all he could. So off he went to be with Dean and there I lay being sewn up. I could hear him crying and whimpering and every fiber of my being wanted to be reconnected to him to make him safe and warm and make the hurt go away. I was instantly in love with him as I was with Juliet. My life was yet again changed forever!

After getting him all cleaned up and cleared out Brian brought our baby over to me to see. We looked at him like what he was, the most precious gift we had been given on this earth and we were the luckiest parents in the world. A little while later I kissed my boys good bye so they could get situated and I could finish getting repaired.

I was wheeled into my room, which was humangous. I will post pictures of that probably tomorrow. And was able to hold my baby for the first time. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. The absolute love and trust they have for you is indescribable. They way they recognise your voice and grow attached to you all over again and me to him. Its something no one can really describe until you've been through it. New Born's are simply amazing and such a miracle.

The rest of the day was us watching him, him watching us. ....a few dozes here and there and of course the food network. :D

I will tell the rest of our stay tomorrow and probably the day after that I will tell you of the other 'adventure' we got to go thru. But for now I think I've yacked your eyes off enough for today...plus I've got a little one who is vying for my attention!

Happy One month baby boy!

Dean Harrison Snyder

He has arrived. He's actually been here but I've been trying to get the hang of being a new mom again, dealing with hospital visits, learning how to breast feed, entertaining guest and trying to balance my other three into the mix, not to mention deal with the baby blues.....so blogging has been on the back burner. I apologize. For now I will give you the basics and of course a picture or two and then I will decide wither to do his birth adventure now or when he turns one. ;) I'll take votes if anyone cares to tell me when they would like to hear about it.

Dean Harrison Snyder was born on October 21st 2011 at 1:54pm,

He weighed 7lb 11oz and was 20 inches long,

He has olive skin and sandy blond hair. Blueish eyes (for now) and poor thing...mommies eyebrows and daddy's monkey toes.

He is a great mix of the whole family and sometimes I can't even believe he is mine.

Brian is fantastic and loves him to bits. He is over the moon about having a boy ( and I think it helps that he had him with me - excuse my big head hehe).

The girls are loving him, especially Juliet. She is constantly getting me things and helping me or just watching to see how to change a diaper or feed him or change his clothes. She says she needs to know all of this because she is going to have (depending on her mood) anywhere between 6 to 10 babies when she grows up...some from her and some adopted. Man I love that girl!

I love all my children!!! I love my family. Happened kinda fast but thats ok. One of our friends the other day mentioned how fast we did things, Got married, bought a house and then had a baby all within a short time. Brian said "we were slow finding each other so we had to catch up" I freaking love his answer.....I freaking love that man!!! I'm so glad Heavenly Father let me find him and let me have our family complete with a baby boy! We...I am truly truly blessed! I just can not put into words how much so.

HALLOWEEN!

I love love love fall...it is absolutely one of my most favorite time of year. Cool weather, changing colors and Holidays! like Halloween!!!!!! This year we went to Aunt Deana's house for a harvest party and the girls had a blast. They also got to pick out pumpkins. This year due to my humongous belly and short attention span, I figured it might be better to let the girls decorate their pumpkins instead of carving them. They got to use paint and markers, less mess and the pumpkins last longer. :D Here is them decorating away!

Juliets little face crack me up...I love the 'hahaha' bubble. :)

Breana's finished product - her pumpkin is in Jail...can you see the bars. :)

Bethanie's finished pumpkin. Her tiny little face. ha, that's so her. :)

Juliets finished pumpkin. Her face, then the other face on the other side with the laughing words. she also put some bats on the other side....she took full advantage of marker, paint and pumpkin time. :)

all three pumpkins are now proudly displayed on our front side walk. Very cute and I love that this is the first of many years decorating for Halloween.

So close

4 More Days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is Brian talking to his son. He's so excited he can barely stand it. I love that he talks to him, Brian is always rubbing my tummy too. Sometimes he does it absent-mindingly its super cute.

Still not really ready to share but everyone else is and my body can't handle much more....its really really not liking me right now. Only 10 days left, we will see if it lasts that long. :)

YAY

I commute from Reno to Carson every morning. The last couple of mornings its been pretty cool out, this morning it was downright cold and cloudy. I loaded up my brew and off we went for our morning drive. As we came over the hill what do I see.....SNOW!!!! that's right my friends...it had snowed and it was still visible in the mountains and high hills! YAY.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not so naive to think that fall/winter is here to stay....this is Nevada after all and I have no doubt it will be summer again by this weekend. But oh how fun it was to see the snow and feel the crisp air and see the girls in bundled up in their new winter sweaters. I just love love love this time of year!

Changes

With so many changes happening in our family, mommies been a bit busy. The small things start to go to the wayside...like, for example, doing the girl's hair. They are old enough to brush it and Juliet is pretty darn good and putting it up on her own and will often do her sisters hair when mom is rushing to get things done. But the lack of 'proper' care (I only say that because they are still learning) had put their hair in a sad state.

So we decided it was time to make a change. We took them to a place called Snip-it (highly recommend this place for any child's hair cut, fun, efficient and they even got a prize! plus it was only $16.95...not too shabby!)


so here are the little munchkins with their new hair cuts.....they love them! and so do we!

Juliet went short but stayed a little longer so she could still do pony tales and such but its still enough to feel the breeze. I always thought she would be a long hair girl, but she loves her hair short and she is a cutie pie with it short!

Breana is the reason we went in the first place. She's such a tomboy and her hair is always all over the place. We figured if it were short she wouldn't get it as tangled and it would be easier to manage. She looooves it. So do I!

Bethanie wasn't' sure what she wanted, so she looked in the book and picked this one. Its similar to Breana's but its more of an A Line then a bob. Super cute.

Can I tell you......it cut 10 minutes off of our morning routine! TEN MINUTES!!! I was ecstatic and so were the girls! easy and still adorable.....we should have done this months ago!!!

One month

One month from today we are scheduled to go in for our C-section....one month! Can you believe its already here?! It went by way too fast. And frankly i'm not ready to share! I want to keep him more!

Yes, I'm tired and achy and moody. I know my body can't take much more of getting beat up from the inside out but he's mine right now all mine. I get to feel him moving, I know when he's napping or when he gets excited about something, I feel the hiccups (which he gets ALL the time). I get to talk to him whenever I want and share all my little things with him. He knows when mommy is up, when I'm excited or upset and reacts to it too.

I will just miss it! but I am excited to meet him and to share him with our families and friends. I just want a little more time for him to be just mine.....I know its selfish, but I dont' care! :)

One Year....

Ok....so I'm about 10 days late on this but we've been so busy and so many things have been happening. :)

Can you believe its been one year since I married the love of my life and can I tell you I love him more now then I did then and I didn't even think that was possible!!! I mean you love someone so much you think your heart is going to burst and you just don't' think you can fit one more oz more in and then you wake up next to them or you catch him looking at you in just a way or he tells you you're beautiful when you feel like a frazzled crazy woman and it just adds a little more in there! Its crazy and I just love our Heavenly Father for letting us have these relationships! what a loving Father he is!

So one year ago on September 4th our two little families became one, then in March we found out we were adding to our little brood, in July we bought our first home and today I give thanks for all the many many many blessings we share together and just know there are so many more to come...like when we go to the temple and are sealed. Oh that will be such a glorious day!

Our new family...aren't we just such a wonderful looking bunch of people. hehe.


I love love love this one. This is the look I catch Brian giving me sometimes and it makes my heart melt. I love that it was caught on camera. I showed him this picture and told him it was one of my favorites, he asked why and I said because of the way you are looking at me and he told me "what makes you think I don't always look at you that way". It was one of my forever moments (you know those moments in time that freeze in your memory and you take then wherever you go). I'll always remember that conversation and this picture comes with it.

Thank you to my wonderful husband for giving me everything I've always dreamed of having, for loving every part of me (even the crabby, stressed out parts) and for making me want to be a better person everyday. I am absolutely completely totally in love with you and I can't wait to spend the rest of forever with you. Smooches!

Birthday

This is a tad late but I wanted to share what I got for my b-day....besides getting to see my sister and her family from Idaho! Brian got me a Nook, my sister Deborah got me a beautiful necklace and earing set and my parents got me a gift card to a store here in town called Charming Charlies and the girls got me these:

A Lion from Juliet....

A cat from Bethanie....

And a butterfly wand from Breana....

Now when the girls first told me they had birthday presents for me I wracked my brain trying to figure out when Brian could have taken them to the store to get me something. I love my husband dearly...but he usually doesn't think of these things and more often then not the girls don't get a chance to go for me (not that I expect presents from them by any means....I just know sometimes they are bummed they don't' get too). So I said ok bring them to me. They traped down the stairs with three 'wrapped' (with old color book papers) bundles and individually presented them to me. I opened them and ooh and awwed...they had grins from ear to ear. Brian even came over and commented on how sweet it was and how they did an awesome job picking out presents (which made them even more grinny...is that a word? it is today).

Then came the best part. Juliet tells me: we picked things we didnt' want anymore. :D

I held back a chuckle and said Oh I see....Brian leaned down and said something to the effect of "you're not suppose to tell her that". All three gave Brian the 'Oh gotcha" look and then off they went on a six year old adventure.

It was all very sweet and comical at the same time. I did as I said and took them to work. :) they are now all sitting proudly on my book shelf...those forgotten unwanted toys that became sweetness to mom for her birthday.

What a weekend!

so that House warming party I was so excited about....it was actually a surprise anniversary party for my parents (we did it a tad early) who will be together for 30 years come September 12. Isn't that amazing?! 30 years! They have 10 children, a wonderful home and great friends and family to show for those 30 years. They are so accomplished and full of love and giving. I just don't' know how they do it sometimes. So we wanted to do something wonderful.... so Deborah suggested a party and off we went.

My dear mother who is constantly going going going put us through a few loops over the few months we were planning. Always trying to go out of town or do something that would interfere with the party or that weekend. It's comical to think of now actually.

So Friday Deborah, Tyler and little cuteness came from a long trip from Idaho. Deborah and I hit the store to get a picture of our parents wedding blown up for them.....that was interesting in its self. While a few of my sibs and a good friend helped do stuff at home. Then it was rush rush rush as people started arriving. We had a good turn out about 30 all together and my parents were surprised. Mom cried (which is always fun right. hehe) and dad was smiley.

As part of the gift we had secretly gotten all the kids clothes and good stuff to the house in bits and pieces so they could spend the night. So we sent our parents home to a night and day with no children. Can you imagine how quiet that house was?! :) Ours was not. ha with 8 yes 8 kids all under the age of 7 and two preggers in the house........it was interesting to say the least. :) I'm glad Brian, Tyler, Rina and Beck were there to help! Mom and Dad spent the whole day doing all grown up stuff.....like shopping for things that don't involve diapers or sippy cups and having lunch and what not. I hope they enjoyed their alone time! then they came over to the house and had pizza.

Deborah got to stay until Monday. we took pregger pictures it was fun. :) and then they had to leave and I was super sad. I held it in for most of the day. Poor Brian got the brunt of it when he came out to the backyard to find out what I was doing all my myself and all I could do was answer in choking sobs. He was good though, just hugged me and let me cry. I miss my sister a lot more then I let myself think. but I"m so glad we get to be sisters forever, that is comforting. :)

And now here I am Tuesday, with a somewhat quiet house and back in the routine of things. I think I might have caught some kind of flu or something....I've been sick all day but I don't mind, it was so worth seeing my sis, bro-in-law and little cuteness, spend time with my younger siblings and do something for our parents. It wasn't nearly enough, they deserve so much more!

All in all it was an awesome weekend!

YAY

We are having a party at our house tomorrow night and I am so excited for it. I get to show off my new house. :D

Yes I need to clean and will probably have a mess on sat....but who cares! I've always wanted to have a house I can entertain in, like my parents do. They have wonderful get togethers and they make awesome memories! I can't wait to start that with my home and family!

Yaaaaay!

What? How can that be?

I had a very......um......well lets just say the morning was not going my way! I had a discussion about what most people end up arguing or getting frustrated over the all too evil MONEY with a dear loved one. I could see their point but could not understand why they were just simply choosing not to even look at my point!

So I turned to another dear loved one, who often counsels me in the most awesome ways, and I was reminded that not everyone thinks like I do.......WHAT?! How can that possibly be? One - everyone should think like me because lets face it....I am pretty dang awesome and Two - even if you don't think like me right away.....um get with the program and start! for reals yo!

But the more I talked with loved one with advice the less annoyed I got with loved one from this morning.

So I am truly grateful that I talked with her and can see it from that point of view...don't get me wrong this is not going to be the last time a 'miscommunication' is going to happen with in out relationship but it was nice to have the advice instead of letting it fester and get worse!

Just needed too

So this morning was one of those mornings, the kids were not listening, whiny and just down right not working with me....I was in a mood, I usually am in the morning cause I dread the drive to Carson. I try not to show it and often spend most of the morning getting myself ready and letting the girls be. They are getting good at getting dressed, brushing their teeth and doing their hair in time for mom to emerge from her cave to get on the road. :) but this morning we were all on edge...just pushing each others buttons like no body's business.

So....I, in my momentary lack of wisdom, blew up. Just yelled that it was the last straw and we all needed to get it together or else.

or else what? I have no idea but they didn't' even question it. They heard the tone, the volume and saw my face.

we started driving and about half way through washoe valley I realised I felt a lot better. In fact I felt great. so I asked the girls if they wanted to listen to princess songs, of course they got excited and sang their little hearts out. I hummed some and smiled a little at how much I felt better. I've been trying to be super patient lately and I think I was just holding too much in instead of working on one thing at a time. I think the girls realized that too cause they were much more willing with their hugs good bye this morning. It was nice.

guess sometimes you just need too. Of course I do not plan on making this a permanent thing and now that I realize I need to let some of my frustration out on something besides yelling to make myself feel better (and not bottle it up in hopes it will just melt out the end of my feet while I'm sleeping). I used to get a lot out during my work out...but am unable to do that so much lately. Maybe a nightly lone walk or an extra half hour mumbling under my breath at my piano lessons...something exerting yet refreshing. :)

we will see. I do love epiphanies.

Favorite times of day....

I have two favorite times of day. The half hour I get up before the rest of the house....yes my eyes are still half shut, my feet drag on the floor like they are made from cement and I'm probably the sight with bed head, a half tied bath robe and me itching my backside for no reason other then that's what one does with the one working hand....for all I know I could be trying to itch my head or shoulder but my arm is still sleeping enough and my body not awake enough to notice what is being scratched. So you must wonder why this is one of my favorite times, because the house is absolutely silent, I can hear every thought in my head....its the part of the day I can say to myself - I will be a better person today - and its quiet enough for myself to hear. I can say my prayers in absolute peace and listen for those few minutes for my answers and peace. Its nice. When I am able to again, I will probably extend this time and put in a little work out time for me, myself and baby-belly. :D

Now dont' get me wrong, I live for the organized chaos that is my family....I mean how could you not! :) but I do enjoy that half hour of just me!

Second favorite time of day...between seven pm and around ten pm. Between seven and eight the girls are ready for bed, homework done, showers done, jammies on, hair and teeth brushed and all is quiet cause they are either watching a movie, coloring or playing around in their rooms...once they go to bed at eightish until tenish, its me and hubby time. We watch movies or peruse the Internet, or he will play with tanner while I read my book. We talk about important things and non-important things. Laugh with each other or talk about an issue we had with each other during the day. Or just simply be, he still lets me snuggle up close to him and lay all over him even though I'm sure I cut off circulation and then complain that its too hot. :) we can lay around for an hour like that....just doing nothing but enjoy being together. I love it. I love all the one on one time we spend together, I can never get enough of that time with him and hope it last through out this lifetime and the next.

I hope and pray for my children to find someone to love and love them as much as their daddy and I do each other...I wish everyone that. It really is one of the greatest blessings Heavenly Father has ever let us have and I'm grateful he has allowed me to experience it!

so there you have it - my two favorite times of day.

My sanity

I've decided for my sanity and for the sanity of my family...that I am going to look into a group or consider therapy for myself. Now...before I go any further I want to emphasize that I love my children. They are smart, lovely and always good for a giggle. However, I am having a harder time then I thought I would adjusting to being a step parent. I don't know why this is. So many of my family members are able to take in children wither it be through adoption, step parenting or just plain old taking in neighbour hood kids. They are able to show love to them and while I'm sure get frustrated with them at times can still convey how great they are and how much they are loved.

I can think it throughout the day or when they walk by I think to myself I should tell them I love them....but it never comes out of my mouth....and I just don't know why. I find myself getting frustrated with them or irritated they aren't doing something I think they should be. If J comes to watch a show with me and the other two come in to watch with us, instead of thinking 'ok mommy/kid time' I get a tad annoyed that they invaded our time. How incredibly wrong is that?! And then when I do find them fun or helpful or they are just plain being awesome kids and not causing me any troubles I just can't get the praises out of my mouth. It turns into a fleeting thought and that's it. No praises from momma.

I feel like the evil step mother and one day they are going to notice and one day they are going to stop giving me hugs and stop attempting to show me they love me. One day I'm going to lose them and then I will turn around and wonder what happened to my babies and why don't' they come around anymore. I don't' want that. They deserve more.

You will probably find me heartless and cold or even mean...I won't blame you. I tell myself that all the time....but I just don't know how to fix it. I'm stuck and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to make it better.....on my own. So I will look into a group for step-parents or personal therapy. Something to help me cope with this issue, which is so clearly me.

first time

when you reach a certain age you don't get very many 'first' or big 'firsts' at that....but Saturday I got to do a big 'first' and I loved it. :)

I had to fill out a survey and on the survey was one of those standard questions:

Do you: Rent, Own, Lease or Other Your home.

I'm used to Renting or other....but I stopped with a slight jolt and with a huge smile on my face got to circle OWN I own a home. (yes the bank technically own it...but for all intents and purposes its ours!).

It was very exciting for me. :)

Outy?

The last time I was preggers I was a big girl...I mean extremely overweight so needless to say my belly button never did that popping out you're done cooking thing. Heck I was happy to even know I had a belly button. This pregnancy, while still overweight I was not crazy big and was toning down quiet a bit. I got out of the shower last night and started lotionaning up my baby bump when I noticed something odd.....yes....that would be my belly button feeling a bit odd. I waddled over to the mirror and hey what do you know...My belly button is coming out. Its not all the way out and I highly doubt it will in the next 12 weeks but it was somewhat exciting to me.

I was small enough for my belly button to be able to be actually pushed out. woot woot.

I still feel huge and sometimes unattractive and my dear husband is so patient and loving always telling me how much he loves me and what a hotty he thinks I am. So that helps a lot too!

Dancing

Saturday we went to a reception. The girls were itching to go dancing so a soon as they opened it up for everyone to dance, they hit it. they were having a grand time.

Bethanie made fast friends with another little girl and danced with her. :)

This is Juliet and Breana showing off their moves. You go girls.

At one point in the night, Juliet was quiet upset because no one would dance with her....so after a few hugs and wiped tears she went over to daddy with a puppy dog look and grabbed his hand. He took her out on the dance floor and well.....the picture just says it all. I wish it was bigger so you can see the full effect!

Does that not just make you melt?! Its one of my favorite pictures and will be burned in my mind for a very very long time. I love my husband! I love my kids!

A day late

Yesterday was my darling sister, Deborah's birthday. She is one of my most bestest friends as well as a sister which is such a blessing. She and I talk all the time about random things, funny things, frustrating thing, things that hurt us and things that just about tore our souls apart. She's helped me put myself together several times, she helped me through one of the most agonizingly painful times in my life even though she was going through her own trials. She has shared fears and dreams, hopes and sorrows with me and I with her.

We have 27 years of incredible memories and we have forever to make more!

I simply can not imagine my life with out my sister (aka didder) and I am so very thankful Heavenly Father let us be together in our family.

I love you Deborah! Happy Birthday!

Quote

Last month I heard a talk and a quote stuck out at me and I absolutely loved it! I quickly jotted it down in my phone. I think upon it every once in a while but thought I would share it with the rest of you...

The gal who was giving a the talk did not have the origin of this quote so I, unfortunately, do not know who to give credit to. But I hope you find it just as much of a ponder and remembrance as I do. :)


Teach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary use words.


What more can you say? Honestly! don't you just love it? I do.

Didn't we just do this?...

I could have sworn that just yesterday I was sending my little duckies off to kinder garden, but seems time has waved his all to fast hand again because yesterday I watched them climb on the big yellow bus, off to their first day of 1st grade. 1st grade! can you believe it?! Its just simply craziness!

After school they got on another bus that took them to the boys an girls club where I picked them up and then off to swim lessons. They had 'one of the best days ever' as they put it. :) today we did it all again. I drop them off at my moms house and she watches them off to the bus... *side note: I have one of the greatest moms in the world! just FYI....of course anyone who has met her knows that. :P *

I hope they learn lots this year and still have an appreciation/earning for school. My wish is that they keep that and are able to keep up and even excel in school, no matter what subject turns out to be their best.

so I've been asked a few times for various pictures of me. I sometimes have a hard time posting pics of me, because although I have worked super hard to bring my weight down, it still surprises me to see that I'm not where I want to be...and of course being preggers, its just piling back on again. Its an inner struggle that I fight everyday and don't think it will end. But we all have our struggles...this is one of mine.





so here be some pictures of me. The first one my adorable husband took for me. I asked him if it looked ok after he took it, he walked over, put his arms around me kissed me and said...its a picture of you, its better then ok. Insert grin and blushing. :) yes, he still makes me blush.











The second picture is of me just yesterday. I was walking pass the mirror and realized my tummy looked more baby then pudgy so decided it would be a good photo opp. :)





So there you have it. I'm sure I will post more when I feel more comfortable with it....or the demand keeps up. :)
p.s. sorry they are so small. I took them with my phone.

Personalities

My three girls have way different personalities. Juliet likes to be boss and in the lime light but can be shy when first introduced into something. Bethanie is soft spoken, a people watcher and likes to do what her sisters are doing. Breana takes things on full force with out trepidation or shyness and will pretty much do anything you suggest will be fun. And they all love or dislike each other at various points in the day with equalness which can make my head spin since one minute they are getting along and the next they are ganging up on one or the other and being of the same age....I can only imagine the dynamics are going to get more interesting and "fun" to watch.

(Side note: Juliet picks a different career every day. Monday she wanted to be a construction worker cause they get to use the outside potties, Last week she wanted to be an astronaut because there is a possibility of running into an alien. hehe)

The following conversation happened in our car on our daily commute to Carson:

Juliet: I want to be a teeth doctor
Me: those are called Dentists
Juliet: I want to be a Dentist
Breana: not me I want to be a teacher (she folds her arms and turns her head...just to make sure they knew she was most definitely picking something different)
Bethanie: Well I want to be a Dentist too
Breana and Juliet look at Bethanie like how is that going to work, cause heaven forbid two of them pick the same thing to be when they grow up...when Juliet gets an 'aw-ha' look on her face.
Juliet: Then you can just come work in my shop!
Bethanie: uuuuuuuummmm......ok. (with a big smile)

hmmmm........I giggled to myself and let them work out the details of this venture they were going to create. That conversation totally displayed all of their personalities. It was kinda fun to watch.

So tired

I'm so tired of people getting mad about stupid little things. Especially stupid little things that could have been explained if only asked. But no they would rather hear what they hear, then blow the situation up in their heads a billion times more then it should have been. And then it takes them weeks to 'get over it'.

I recently had this situation happen with two people and can I tell you.... I'm tired of it! Stop thinking you know what is going on and ask the dang person who supposedly offended you. If I did then I need to know and you need to know how and why this offense came up in the first place, I need the opportunity to correct my error and apologise. But deciding to stop talking to someone with out any reason or very little reason......is just a cowardly way to do things.

No one likes confrontation, that's understandable but when you have relationships that have lasted years! YEARS!! and this is how you handle that, well I just have no words.

I hope these people can come around and tell me how I have offended them so badly, or even if it was a friend or family member of mine who offended and I'm caught in by proxy. Either way tell me or those people...so we can get pass this and stop playing these stupid little games!

The Edge

With so many changes going on lately and me being overly emotional...it was bound to happen....me tipping over the edge. Most of the changes have been wonderful, but they are still changes and I've been on the edge for a bit now. Most of the time it came out in bits of anger or annoyance which I would later have to apologize for. Last night it came with a vengeance but this time with tears.

The girls were on their hundredth fight of the day, dinner was about done and Brian was trying to help but couldn't find what he needed and then questioned why I put certain things where in the kitchen, my hips hurt, by eyes were tired and my head had a billion things I still needed to get done that night swirling around. And then it came.....that one tear.

It was like I didn't' even notice that first one till I touched the tickle on my cheek and realised there was something wet on my face....I followed it up to the likely place of origin and found both my eyes wet...not just wet, soaking and the hot tears literally spilling over. My throat began to ache my nose ran and my eyes leaked...a lot. I went upstairs let some out then washed my face. went back downstairs, tried to eat dinner with the family, but they still came, those tears you just can not hide. The family was silent. They knew something was wrong but who knew what? its not like something dramatic had happened in the last half hour!

I excused myself, went upstairs, laid down and cried. I cried like I haven't cried since I was going through my divorce. I wet my pillow...turned it around and cried some more. I was sobbing so hard I could hardly breath. I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to not let the feelings that were bubbling up inside to last very long. I know this will sound horrible but this is how I felt last night. I just did not want to be there. I didn't want to be a mother, I didn't want to be a wife, I didn't want to have to deal with dinner, laundry or dishes. I didn't want to have to hear whining or complaining. I didn't' want to have to think 12 steps ahead so everyone would be taken care of through out the day tomorrow. I didn't want my body to hurt or feel huge anymore. I was tired of being tired, I was tired of working with little to no thank you and I was tired of holding it all in. So I let it out. I told Heavenly Father all of those feelings and I cried and said I was sorry for feeling them.

But then I felt very loved and my mind was washed with visions of my kids hugging me, my hubby and I laughing about something completely silly, our family walks or movie time. The girls being excited to see me when I pick them up from school. Our wedding day. The day we moved into our house and Brian and I looked at each other with a proud this is ours look. My family at dinners. My sister and I sharing conversations through out the day and laughing at things our kids had done.

I fell asleep that way and woke up still in my dress I had fallen asleep in. Brian had finished up dinner, done the dishes and put the girls to bed. I didn't hear a thing. I woke up feeling much better. I"m still emotional and tired but don't feel so overwhelmed and so on the edge. Sometimes it just needs to come out!

Something Small.....Something Big

Most of you already know.....but we have exciting news!


Its great how something small.......

Can belong to something big.......and its ours!!!!!




That's right. Our family has bought a house. A lovely home that both Brian and I are so happy to own (well.....have our name on while we pay the bank for it). But for all intents and purposes its ours. Our kids will not have to move again, until they are up and out of the house. Its in the area of Reno we both wanted to live and in the school district I wanted my kids in!

The neighbor hood is great. Every time we are out side or driving by everyone smiles and waves. We have three doctors living as next door neighbors including a pediatrician. :D My kitchen is spectacular and the girls love thier rooms (I'm sure baby boy will too!). We have a modest backyard that is already landscaped. Once the saud is rooted and happy the girls will get to start playing back there! yay for mommy!!! haha.

We are still unpacking and getting everything settled but its jut fantastic and I'm sooo happy!

hard time

Over the last year and a half, I have worked really hard to get my out of control weight down. I was actually only 25-30 pounds away from my goal weight when I got pregnant. Now I know you can't lose weight while pregnant and in fact about the only time the doctors encourage it full force. So one would think I would be all over that right? I mean I've been overweight for a very long time...why wouldn't I be ok with an excuse to not have to hard core exercise every single day and eat nothing but chicken, fish and salad? and hearing the doctors actually say "yay you gained 5 pounds...great!"

But its not like that! can I tell you I have had one of the hardest times ever accepting the scale and the off hand comments insensitive people make about getting big. I know people think its ok cause hey...you're suppose to be getting bigger. You're growing a baby for goodness sakes! I should understand that!! but no, every time someone says, even jokingly, that my butt is big or I need more room in the car, or comment on how I"m starting to waddle....its not cute.

Most of the time I can laugh it off with them, ignore it or just let it fume and then fizzle out....but sometimes, especially on a particularly emotional day or when I just dont' feel that attractive that day, it just gets to me and then I start crying and of course makes me even more angry cause I'm crying over something trivial.

I don't know why this didn't bother me as much the first time around. probably cause I was already HUGE and didn't care that I was, wasn't particularly in the mood or mind set to be healthy and hadn't worked so hard to get the weight off, so I simply didn't notice or care about the comments. I also think I'm just tired right now and this is the month where the baby doubles in size so of course I double in size and the comments come so I hear it more often. I just needed to let it out and I'm sure I"m guilty of doing it to other pregnant woman and you just simply dont' think about the effects....but I will from now on.

Can I just say...

That this commute to Carson everyday is just about killing me. I'm sooo tired. I didn't realize it would take this much out of me.

I'm probably just tired anyway and this is making it worse. Hopefully I will just get used to it.


Just wanted to complain for a second...now I'm done. :)

only one thing...

Only one thing needs to be said today....

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so many

So many exciting things are happening in our little world. My office is moving to Carson, while this is not the most exciting news, I am happy I will be able to see my family and Carson friends a bit more. Plus all the activities I want to put the girls in like swimming and such are cheaper there. :) I just sent in their registration paperwork to attend Fremont so that is on its way. woot....1st grade...can you believe they will be in 1st grade?! This umpcoming week we find out what kind of little one we will be expecting in the fall. A lot of people around us are having boys and I hope the trend keeps up. ;~) we will see. Don't worry I will definitely be posting that grandness!

Some other stuff is in the works but I really don't want to put it out there yet until all is said and done. I'm just so thankful and excited that all this is falling into place, is all I can say.

I'm thankful to my Heavenly Father for allowing me to have this family and all the blessings in our lives lately. They are un-numbered and I just can't even explain how grateful and happy I am right now (course that could be baby hormones and tomorrow could be completely different haha....but I don't think so).

weekend

I know its only Thursday...but can I tell you how excited I am that it will be the weekend soon and that it will be a three day weekend!! woot woot!!!!

We plan on having a BBQ at our house on Saturday, invited the fam and some friends...so that should be fun.

I'm just excited to have that one extra day...a day with no doctor appts, no school work to do, no running around doing necessary errands...just a carefree day of family and relaxation. Just hope the weather gets better.

cool thought!

I was watching a show the other day and usually don't pay much attention to the commercials but one caught my attention and I absolutely love this idea!

Google had a commercial where the parents set up an email account for their child, as the child grew up they would email special thoughts, letters, pictures and videos of their child and their thoughts about the child to them. So when they grew up they would have all these memories ready for them in a digital diary/baby book/photo album kind of thing. I thought it was the coolest idea ever!

With so many things digital now I have a hard time remembering to get my pictures printed and then put them in books to begin with. I think about writing my kids letters or writing down a thought or proud moment for/to them. what a better way then to put it in an account all clustered together ready for them! its compact, can be taken/accessed almost anywhere and they can have it for a life time. Kids these days are more technical now anyhow.

So this weekend...I am starting four email accounts...one for each of my lovely children and I will start emailing them periodically. So when they grow up they will know why I was such a hard nose on them and that even if though I try my hardest to show them all the time...I come up short in the 'I hope you know how much I love you' department and hope to convey that as well.

Never thought

When you become a parent, you expect to give your children various types of talks throughout their childhood... Attitude talk, Responsibility talk, Stranger danger talk, Puberty talk, Making important decisions talk....I'm sure there are many many more. Never in my time as a mother did I think I was going to have to tell my children the Family Danger talk.

The twins biological mother has been in and out of the twins life for the past six years...more out then in. She stopped coming for visitations at the end of January and we haven't heard from her since. We get various tidbits of her life from her grandparents but that's about it. We heard the other day that she is planning on moving out of state...and that she might attempt to take her children with her. Yes, that would be the twins and possibly the other little girl she had taken away. I had to sit the girls down this morning (including Juliet) and tell them that under no circumstances are they to get into any ones car except mine, daddy's or granna's. I had to tell them if she did come and talk to them that they were to go to the office or a teacher and tell them that someone was trying to take them, that if they did go with her they may never come home.

Can I tell you it literally breaks my heart and angers me beyond belief that I had to tell them that. That I had to tell them that a person who instinctively they are programed to want to go to is a danger, that a person who says they love and care for them can and will be a danger to them and to stay away at all cost. I even went as far as to tell them not to get into any of her family members cars (including the grandparents)...they love and trust these people and here I am having to tell them 'nope, they are not to be trusted' and go as far as to threaten them with 'you may not come home if you do go with them' to scare them into realization of how serious it is.

Its sad that a "mother" can do that to them. How dare she! How dare she put me on constant watch and on edge, how dare she make me teach the children they can't trust anyone, how dare she be so selfish. I will never understand this and frankly I'm pass the point of wanting to try to understand.

I just never thought I would have to have that talk.....never

I've decided

I should probably not go out at lunch anymore. Its like a huge tease. I get to hear the birds, feel the mix of the sun and spring breeze, smell flowers blooming and fresh cut grass. I enjoy an hour of all this plus the added benefit of seeing my most wonderful husband and enjoy his company and then.....I walk back into my office. No windows, poorly circulated air, case files piled everywhere and voice mails waiting.

Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely thankful for my job and that for the most part I enjoy it....but being outside on days like this is one hundred times better! O well.

Back to work. :)

Equation

Equation

X = Bethanie's Face

Y = Clarinet Case

Z = Rate at which child with clarinet case swinging in circles

X+Y x the force of Z =

OUCHIE!!!!

so nice

Spring is DEFINITELY in the air. The air is cool in the morning, the sun is shining, the birds are up and chipper and the kids are getting summer fever they are already asking to go the water park.

Its going to be a great spring/summer! Lets hope the baby doesn't make me too hot. ;)

Exciting

Well two exciting things happened yesterday. One my sista Rebekah turned 22....what?! 22?! I remember when she would carry her blanket around and throw cheese at Deborah and I, cut her

hair and try to hide it and tether my brother to a rope and make him walk around on all fours cause she wanted a dog so badly. How did she grow up? when did she grow up? Its just insane and of course exciting. :) so Happy Birthday sista.

Second, my office is directly behind the Reno/Tahoe airport, yesterday the President (as in President Obama) came to Reno for a speech, so we got to watch Air Force One land and the President's motorcade rode right down our street! Yups I gots to see the Pres. drive down our street and all the hoopla that goes with it. I don't really care what people have to say about him, wither they like him or not but I personally think its still neat to have got to experience that. Here are some pictures. :) He's in the backseat closest to the window. (if you want to see it better...send me your e-mail and I can send it to you so you can zoom in).

um...what was I thinking

I signed up to work 4 extra nights at my second job this week. I signed up last month when the schedule came out. At the time I was thinking...extra money! Now I'm wondering what the heck I was thinking. I can barely stay up past nine and I have the hardest time getting out of bed in the morning and I want to drag myself to an on my feet for hours job after my nine hour day job?!?!

I'm glad next month is the end of season and believe me I will not be signing up for so much next time!

I'm just crazy I guess. :)

Can this be done please

*****Sorry if graphic****

Yesterday I was feeling a little brave and thought to myself ' I don't need no stincken medicine' and so didn't take any.....mistake.

NOTHING stayed down. In fact I drove to meet Brian for lunch, the minute the car stopped I opened the door and puked all over the parking lot. It was embarrassing....people were walking by and its not like you can hide the fact that you just lost your breakfast and are in the middle of losing the crackers you had for snack. Luckily for me I was able to stop the car and open the door before it all came out...so none on me or inside my car! and I had a little towel so was able to clean up a bit.

I wasn't this sick with Juliet and I'm sure I'll forget the misery once I am out of this stage but for now I'm so done and just want this part to be done please! I want to be able to eat and not feel like I'm going to lose it, I want to go through the day without the constant gagging feeling in my throat, I want to be able to wake up in the morning and not feel like I could sleep for another 12 hours and still be tired. I want to stop being so irritable......but I know it will all be worth it. I'm just throwing a pity party. :)

Yes

It was an April Fool's Joke. :)

As far as we know there is only one little one in there. At least thats all that showed up on the screen.

GOTCHA!

Big news

So I can't hold it in any longer!!!!!! When we went to the doc they wanted me to wait a few more weeks and come back in. I went in on my lunch yesterday and they listened to the heart beat of the baby....or should I say babies. That's right they heard numerous heart beats. they're were so many and they are still faint so they tried to do an ultra sound to double check...but only one little one was showing up again, which leads them to believe that the other one(s) are hiding. They do not know how many are in there and wont for a few more weeks. So we will see.

:) can we handle this? who knows.....but too late now. Our family is about to get a whole lot bigger!

My baby

Juliet turned six yesterday. I should have blogged then but I've been soo exhausted. Our day went like this.

Brian and I went to our first doc appt. Due date is October 28th and we got to see the heart beat and the forming of a little person. :)

I came home and found out my grandpa is in the hospital, need surgery to get his gal bladder out. Poor grampa! He seems in good spirits though.

I picked Juliet up early from B&G club and took her to lunch with my friend and her kids, then Juliet and I went to see Rango. I was a little bit disappointed.....its suppose to be a kids movie and they said D@&$ in it. Really?! Totally unnecessary! But Juliet enjoyed the 2 pounds of candy she was allowed to eat. (and later had a tummy ache for...oops).

she then got to go back to the B&G club and play carnival games and get her face painted while mommy took a nap. :D

Everyone came home, we watched Scooby Doo as a family and then off to bed.

I just can't believe my baby is six. It snowed in the morning. Big huge flakes...the ones that look like cotton balls falling from the sky. I told Juliet that is exactly what it was doing the night she was born (she was delivered at 10:02 pm). So that was kinda fun. Shes such a big girl now. She talks to me like a grown up sometimes and her thoughts and opinions are fun to hear. She makes me laugh and I can't imagine my life without her! she is absolutely one of the best things that has ever happened to me. In fact she is one of the things that kept me sane when I was going through some tough times. My love for her knows no bounds and I am excited to watch her grow more and more into her own person.

Love you baby girl!

Love mommy

Well ok then

For those of you that do not know already....Brian and I are expecting to add to our little family. That's right we are preggers. We didn't expect to get pregnant this quick...well I didn't, Brian was pretty confident it would happen right away. Guess he was right (don't tell him I said that!). ;~)

I feel so very tired and queasy ALL the time. But I'll take it. :)

According to the various know-it-all calculators on the Internet, we are due sometime the end of October. However, I have my first appt on the 21st and Ill let her give me the official date.

I'm excited and nervous and all that good stuff. We really really want a boy to balance out the family but honestly I would be blissfully happy with either.

YAY

Groupons

Groupon is an AWESOME site. You sign up and they send you daily deals for your neck of the woods. :)

Try it out! I use it all the time.

Here is a referral code. If I get friends to sign up, I get $10.00 towards one of my Groupons. :D

Either way you should still check it out!

Worth it.

Days are long, children routy, family needy, house needs cleaning, homework worked on, dinner made, dishes washed, laundry washed and folded.....the list goes on and on.

What makes it worth it? When one or all of your kids says:

"Momma, You're the best mommy in the whole wide world"

:) makes my heart warm

Bubba Gump Shrimp...

I get cold sores. I have since I was young, just something that happens mostly when I get sick or stressed but can pop up if I sun burn my lips or if I let them get super chapped and they peel really bad. Well chapped they got and peel they did and last night they felt bruised. I hoped and prayed that it was just them hurting from the peeling! But that was not my luck. This morning I woke up to...yes...cold sores.

Now here's the kicker. Most of the time I get them in one spot on my upper lip. Its actually a different color then the rest of my lips because its scarred so badly from all the other times its blistered there. But that spot was saved instead my whole bottom lip is one big blister. We (in my family) call this the bubba gump shrimp lip, because by the time its at its peek with the swelling I seriously look like bubba and talk like him too.

Its humorous......a month later when I'm not dying because my lip hurts and itches and looks disgusting. And right before valentines day! Ya this pretty much rocks (I hope you see that was dripping with sarcasm!)

O well whats ya ganna do right?

Silver Lining

So we should always look for the silver lining, the upside in things. I'm trying to look on the upside of my office moving to Carson.

- I get to see my Carson friends and family on lunches and such whom I haven't seen in such a long time.

- My doctors are still based in Carson. I just haven't switched them over so I can start setting up appts again.

- We are considering putting the children in school in Carson since I would be closer and if we did so the daycare would be close to 200 cheaper then what we could find.

I don't like the fact of commuting but if we can buy a house in South Reno within the next six months to a year then it will be about a 20-30 minute drive, instead of a 45 minute to an hour drive. Our office isn't scheduled to move for another five months or so. But anything could change. But for now that is what I see as positive about this situation. :)

It just keeps getting better

About a year ago I took a job in Reno, I've wanted to move to Reno for a while...but having a new love and the drive to get out of Carson and away from my 'old' life was something I desperately wanted to do!!

So I applied for all the jobs I could in Reno. I finally got an interview and even though I would be taking a title downgrade (not a pay cut) I took the job to be in Reno and I love it here!!!

today we were told our office is moving to Carson. WHAT?!?! yup...now I get to commute to Carson. I'm not thrilled about this but I still have a job!! and...I will get to see my mom, siblings and friends from Carson more often...so there is an up side. Just not excited about commuting!

Where will life take me next?

Ya that about sums it up.

We got some news about pay cuts and insurance and such and I just wanted to put this little poem out there.........just to let everyone know how I feels. :D

I Love My Job (As told to Dr. Seuss)

I love my Job, I love the Pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my Boss; she’s the best!
I love her boss and all the rest.

I love my Office and its location -
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
and the paper that piles up every day!

I love my chair in my padded Cell!
There’s nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my Peers -
I love their leers and jeers and sneers.

I love my Computer and all its Software;
I hug it often though it doesn’t care…
I love each Program and every File,
I try to understand once in a while!!

I’m happy to be here, I am I am;
I’m the happiest Slave of my Uncle Sam.
I love this Work; I love these Chores.
I love the Meetings with deadly Bores.

I love my Job - I’ll say it again -
I even love these friendly Men -
These men who’ve come to visit today
In lovely white coats to take me away!!

........

Me No Likey!

So Brian leaves on another Business trip today. I don't' like it, in fact I HATE it. I hate when he leaves. I get overwhelmed and tired and cranky.

I like having a routine and that routine includes someone to help me. I try really hard for it not to show and I hope I do a good job for the girl's sake and for Brian's. I'm sure I'm not the most pleasant wife/mother when I feel that way.

Maybe I'll take the girls to the movies or something. Make it fun for all of us for the next few days. Its funny I was on my own for so long (my family helped tremendously...but still basically on my own) and seven months of having constant, consistent help completely spoiled me! Plus I just love him so much it hurts and I hate it when he's gone!

O well. I have to deal with it but Me No Likey!

woot

2011

IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!

Although 2010 was a wonderful year for me! I feel 2011 will be great!! so lets do this!