Thursday, May 29, 2008

My big night.

'oh I hope they call my name...please call my name, please call my name. I could have won the last two games. I knew the answers'..I wait on baited breath. People around me are screaming and clapping, but it feels a million miles away as I try my hardest to hone my non-existent telepathic abilities for the faceless man to call my name.....'please, please, please'....
The host, who I desperately want to meet looks into the camera and asks "who do we have next?" so with crossed figures and shut eyes I listen...."well drew, Maura Duke...come on down, you're the next contestant on the Price is Right"....what no? really, it takes me a full 30 seconds to realize I am the only Maura Duke in the audience. The people around me are slapping my back and pushing me out of the chair! I realize all at once that if I don't get out there I will lose my chance forever. I get up and scream run down the isle, high-fiving all the oust reached hands. 'I made it, I am actually here!' Drew makes small talk but I am so excited and star struck I couldn't remember what he ask me or what I answered even if they did play it back for me. 'bring out the prizes...I am so ready for this'

The lovely models model off a cappuccino maker with all the bells and whistles. 'I don't drink cappuccino...I don't know how much those cost! what am I going to do...why couldn't they have modeled a bag of pull-ups or cool-aid packets...I know those ones?' Drew asks me what I want to bid. I hear the indiscernible babble behind me of the entire audience trying to tell me how to play MY game..... so with a wishfull heart and a small prayer I use the fall back "one dollar drew" and on to the rest of the line. "the actual retailed price...$890, Maura, you're the only one who didn't go over...you win"...'what one how much do people think those things cost? and two, how can it really cost that much? and what am I going to do with a cappuccino maker?' all this runs through my head as I am running up on stage, hugging Drew and excitedly looking for my family in the audience.
"Maura, how are you?"..
"Nervous, excited and ready to win something, Drew"
"what is your favorite game?"
"what's everyone's favorite game...PLINKO"
"well it is your lucky day because you get to play PLINKO!"
I jump up and down and hold my head, like that will make all this seem real! 'I get to play PLINKO...what..how can things get any better?!'
so we go through the motions of getting more PLINKO chips. first item was a bag of pull-ups, I get the chip, second a packet of cool-aid, another chip, third item children's vitamins, another chip and last but not least a fondue set....another chip....' I have five chips to play on PLINKO... that is potentially $100,000'....WAHOOO
I get up on the stares, the first chip falls. I don't know if it is silent because the audience is actually quite or if my head is so filled with blood and excitement that I have lost all capability to hear or think. The chip finally gets to the bottom. $1,000...'ok...not bad'...the second and third chip both land in the $1,000...' I can handle that!' my forth chip lands in the $20,000 spot. I jump up and down again...hoping I am not imagining what I just saw...I just won that? my last chip falls...it seems to take forever, right, then left, down....down and can it be....'YES, YES another $20,000. I just won $43,000' Drew congratulates me and tells me he will see me at the wheel....
The rest of the show goes by in a blur. I don't know what people have won or how long it took....I didn't care I won money and I still have a chance to go to the show case...'the wheel.. really? already? we are doing the wheel now?'
I get there and here comes my turn I push down on the wheel with all my might, around and around it goes.
"Do you want to say hi to anyone?"
"I'd like to say hi to all of my family, there are too many to name off and all of my friends!, Hi guys...I got to play PLINKO..WAHOOO!!!!"
we turn back to the wheel which magically stops on .95. I am the highest number.....I get to go to the show case.
the first show case is a wedding dress, diamond ring, bridesmaids dresses and a trip to Paris. Nice but I have already been married and I want a car...so I pass it on. The guy next to me bids $38,000. My showcase is two Guitars, a trip to Las Vegas and two brand new Lincolns...WAHOO the cars. I bid $80,450.
Now, here is where it gets tricky Drew tells us that this is the Million dollar show. So if one of us is with in $1,000 of the actual price...we will win the show case and a million!
the actual retail price of the other guys show case... $45,000 a difference of $7000... I hold my breath, my nerves so on end I can barely contain myself I just want to scream for 10 minutes straight, my knees are shaking and my eyes are squeezed shut.... drew pulls out the card.."the actual retail price of your showcase $80,575 a difference of $125. Maura you've won a million dollars" he keeps screaming.. or am I screaming?, who knows, who cares. 'I just won an insane amount of money and prices. I can't even believe it.'
I see my family running up to the stage. I am jumping around, confetti is flouring all around. And there is this annoying sound. It gets louder and louder. At first I pay no attention, who cares about a dumb sound? Look at what I just won?! ....but really can't someone do something about that sound? am I the only one that hears it?
And then with a sinking feeling and realization. I look around....People are jumping and yelling but it is all silent except for that one sound....BEEP BEEP BEEP. And just like I were in a bubble. The people and stage are gone in a 'pop'.
I squeeze my eyes shut even harder....'no, no, no, this can't be. come back everyone, come back cars, come back Million Dollars!'....nope all I get is BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Yes, time to get up and back to the real world, so with a mental note not to watch the Price is Right before bed again, I slam my hand on the annoying sound, rub my eyes and ask my dog who is looking up at me "so did you have a nightmare too?"

Monday, May 19, 2008

The things I would miss...

In high school we did a play based on the shootings at Columbine. At the time it was a huge deal, you didn't hear about guns at school, shootings or things like that...at least not as much as you hear about today. In the play there was a scene where all the kids who were shot and killed went around in a circle and told their shooter what they would miss because their life was cut so short. I have always looked back on that play whenever I enjoy a simple freedom or a small pleasure. Knowing that some have that cut short, but also marvel in the fact that I know the truth of things and know it won't be gone forever.
I appreciate that our drama teacher saw the need for the school to see the violence and thought us good enough to carry out such an emotional task. It was a year of several emotional plays because right after the Columbine play I was in another about the Holocaust war, which inevitably touched me deeply as well as the play the other drama class put on about the Vietnam war. All three plays were not light hearted and were definitely made to make an impact and make you think. How the audience reacted or what they remember of those plays, if anything, I will never know but the profound effect it had on me is still felt almost 9 years later. Especially when reading CNN or watching the news with the devastation in other countries and the hurt and trouble in our own.
Sometimes it is easy to turn a blind eye and worry about our simple problems like housework and new tires on the car...but every once in a while the world comes swooshing in my little bubble and I am reminded I am not the only one on this planet nor am I the worst off...not my a long shot! It is humbling and a slap in the face and with the lump in my throat I remember the play in high school and the scene where the kids say what they would miss, and I mentally go through the list in my head. Which as time has gone by, my list has changed profoundly, some things are the same but others things have fallen off my list with little thought as new ones replace their importance. So here is a list of things I would miss, just to name a few:

Afternoon naps
Books of all kinds
having to freedom to walk into a store and buy anything I want (whither I can afford it or not)
Driving..to anywhere
Inside jokes with my family
Pride you get when you help someone, especially when they don't know you have
The feel of warm dry clothes after an exhausting day playing in wet, cold, snow!
Getting or sending a card to someone in the good ole' snail mail....for no reason at all but to get or give one.
Chocolate milk
Watching my Brothers and Sisters grow up
My Fathers loving blessings and advice
My Mothers jokes and serious and funny talks and advice
My Husbands face when he bites his cheek because he is thinking of something or his look when I know he either wants to kiss me or tickle me (it is always a surprise which one he will do).
My Daughters laugh and her big bear hugs along with her sassy attitude when she things she knows it all.
The undeniable pride, love and belonging I feel when I look at my family and know they will be mine for the rest of forever.

These are just a few and I know the list goes on. I feel such sadness and pain for those who have lost so many and so much in the last few weeks, with the cyclone and the earthquakes and it humbles me to know how utterly blessed I am to have all my family and to live in this country. Would I be able to face what they have and continue? That thought is something I hope and pray will never be tested for me or for anyone I love. but I would hope that everyone would remember the things they would miss if they were suddenly taken away. If you made a list, would it be the tires on the car, the purse you bought, that movie you can't wait to buy on blue ray and DVD just to make sure? probably not, while they do bring us a small amount of joy in our lives, remember the things you would truly miss and pay more attention to those small but inconceivably in-valuables. Like I said, I don't remember these things as much as I should and often get caught up in the worlds world, but everyone once and while I remember what I am really here for and what really matters. Today is one of those days and I hope they still continue even 30 and 50 years from now.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

gifts...

hello everyone,

well mothers day was just Sunday and I had a good one. Juliet made me a cute little wooden heart mounted on a spring so it sways back and forth when you move it. "oh how cute baby...this is so nice, did you color this all by yourself?" I asked with motherly pride...."no" she says very matter of factly "I painted it all by myself"....well that is even better right? :) Jason came home and that was a present enough for me. He so kindly got up with Juliet on Sunday morning and repeatedly told her to 'shhhh not so loud, mommy is sleeping'...course this statement was so lovingly yelled from the kitchen (right next to our bedroom) to her room (across the house), while running the garbage disposal because he was doing the dishes I left in the sink. Ahh....it was great!

Mom sent me a little questionnaire to fill out and I did. Mine is no where near as nice and loving as Deborah's was but what can I say... I have never had the talent for words, music and smarts as my brothers and sisters do. I have learned to live with that.... most of the time anyway. hehe.

so here it is. A few days late (but hey I run on Mormon standard time... so right on time) and hopefully still worth reading.

1. What is your funniest memory of Mom?
Rolling in the laundry. I thought we were playing a game….I was rolling the laundry she was trying to put in the washer, she was very pregnant and I was very much not paying attention to the tone. I didn’t realize I was in trouble until I got a smack on the butt and only then did I stop giggling like a mad fool and look at her face to realize…she had not been playing at all. Oops. :)

2. What lesson that she taught you stands out?
If this won’t affect you in ten years, don’t dwell on it and do now, apologize later. :)

3. What is your favorite characteristic or personality trait about Mom?
Her ability to know everything and get things done!

4. What do you see in yourself that came from her, physically or in your personality?
Hello what do I don’t? We look the same, talk the same, walk and stand the same. People always mistake us for sisters.. which is good for her….not sure how I feel about that?!?!…..need I go on?

5. If you had to describe your mom to someone, what would you say?
She is just like me, but with graying hair and smarter.

6. If you had to thank your mom for only one thing, what would it be?
For not giving up on me while still allowing me to make my own mistakes.

so there you go. :) I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend and have an even better week.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Therapy...really?

So I read CNN daily, most of the times more then once. I like to keep up on the news and see what the rest of the world is dealing with. Like the typhoon victims....can you imagine? It reminds me of the good and evil in the world, where I fit in and what the capabilities and limits are on and of people.

Today they had a article about blogging being a form of therapy. What a crock I think at first but then, hello, what is journaling all about. Not only for prosperity but for our own personal release, as well as story telling for every story as at least a grain of experience in it. The article basically states that writing down your feelings or life in general can be solidifying and help one heal better, putting it on a public forum open to comments, good or bad, is also a way to heal and accept what is going on. this is the article if you are interested in reading it! It is a good article and kinda cool to see how many people out there do this. ARTICLE

I like to blog because I almost always have stories to tell about our family or something to say, but I do realize that it does make me happier or puts things in perspective. If I am upset or excited about something I go to my on-line journal (ya I blog and I have an on-line journal...), if something is funny or a cool thing has happened I will write it down either in the blog, journal or both. I love to get comments back. I like to see that I am not alone, get advice or know that I can still make people laugh.

so I guess you could say this is pretty good therapy (side bar: the article does state this is not to replace face-to-face therapy, but can add to it and many therapist read their clients blogs to get a better feeling of them). But I have to say I think it very therapeutic to take a few minutes out of my day and write down what is going on or how I feel about something. I like to read others too to see if I can be of some help or to feel connected to my family and friends so far away.

Just thought I would share with you all. :) Thanks for commenting on my post, I really like to see them and staying connected. love you all!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Why Cinco De Mayo?....

So thought I would enlighten you all on the history of why we celebrate this festive day. Not just for the taco's my friends (which sometimes is reason itself to call a day of celebrating!) I found this off a website and thought it interesting so here you go:


The 5th of May is not Mexican Independence Day, but it should be! And Cinco de Mayo is not an American holiday, but it should be. Mexico declared its independence from mother Spain on midnight, the 15th of September, 1810. And it took 11 years before the first Spanish soldiers were told and forced to leave Mexico.
So, why Cinco de Mayo? And why should Americans savor this day as well? Because 4,000 Mexican soldiers smashed the French and traitor Mexican army of 8,000 at Puebla, Mexico, 100 miles east of Mexico City on the morning of May 5, 1862.
The French had landed in Mexico (along with Spanish and English troops) five months earlier on the pretext of collecting Mexican debts from the newly elected government of democratic President (and Indian) Benito Juarez. The English and Spanish quickly made deals and left. The French, however, had different ideas.
Under Emperor Napoleon III, who detested the United States, the French came to stay. They brought a Hapsburg prince with them to rule the new Mexican empire. His name was Maximilian; his wife, Carolota. Napoleon's French Army had not been defeated in 50 years, and it invaded Mexico with the finest modern equipment and with a newly reconstituted Foreign Legion. The French were not afraid of anyone, especially since the United States was embroiled in its own Civil War.
The French Army left the port of Vera Cruz to attack Mexico City to the west, as the French assumed that the Mexicans would give up should their capital fall to the enemy -- as European countries traditionally did.
Under the command of Texas-born General Zaragosa, (and the cavalry under the command of Colonel Porfirio Diaz, later to be Mexico's president and dictator), the Mexicans awaited. Brightly dressed French Dragoons led the enemy columns. The Mexican Army was less stylish.
General Zaragosa ordered Colonel Diaz to take his cavalry, the best in the world, out to the French flanks. In response, the French did a most stupid thing; they sent their cavalry off to chase Diaz and his men, who proceeded to butcher them. The remaining French infantrymen charged the Mexican defenders through sloppy mud from a thunderstorm and through hundreds of head of stampeding cattle stirred up by Indians armed only with machetes.
When the battle was over, many French were killed or wounded and their cavalry was being chased by Diaz' superb horsemen miles away. The Mexicans had won a great victory that kept Napoleon III from supplying the confederate rebels for another year, allowing the United States to build the greatest army the world had ever seen. This grand army smashed the Confederates at Gettysburg just 14 months after the battle of Puebla, essentially ending the Civil War.
Union forces were then rushed to the Texas/Mexican border under General Phil Sheridan, who made sure that the Mexicans got all the weapons and ammunition they needed to expel the French. American soldiers were discharged with their uniforms and rifles if they promised to join the Mexican Army to fight the French. The American Legion of Honor marched in the Victory Parade in Mexico, City.
It might be a historical stretch to credit the survival of the United States to those brave 4,000 Mexicans who faced an army twice as large in 1862. But who knows?
In gratitude, thousands of Mexicans crossed the border after Pearl Harbor to join the U.S. Armed Forces. As recently as the Persian Gulf War, Mexicans flooded American consulates with phone calls, trying to join up and fight another war for America.
Mexicans, you see, never forget who their friends are, and neither do Americans. That's why Cinco de Mayo is such a party -- A party that celebrates freedom and liberty. There are two ideals which Mexicans and Americans have fought shoulder to shoulder to protect, ever since the 5th of May, 1862. VIVA! el CINCO DE MAYO!!


it is always good to remember that at one time we all have common goals and enemies and though they may shift throughout the years...at one time we fought with purpose side by side and we should be proud of our neighbours and our country as well as theirs. :)

Friday, May 2, 2008

something fun....

I thought I would fill out a survey I found and the post it....so there you go. :)

1. Can you cook?
Yes. I love to cook and bake…..don’t know if everyone else appreciates it but I don’t hear complaints….so far.

2. What was your dream growing up?
Which one? Acting, Singing, Profile, Dancer, Mother…at least I got one of them

3. What talent do you wish you had?
Singing, Acting, Dancing, Baking. All of the above….

4. Favorite place?
New York or Vegas. I love big cities! I like walking down the street and knowing you will probably never see that person again. There is something very freeing in that thought.

5. Favorite vegetable?
Avocado

6. What was the last book you read?
Which one? I read 2-3 books at a time, but the very last one was Border Wedding.

7. What zodiac sign are you?
Virgo

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
I have pierced ears…used to have my bellybutton pierced…I have two tattoos…one on my hip of Mickey Mouse and one on my Ankle of a Chinese symbol of Eternal.

9. Worst habit?
Chewing on my nails and taking on more then I should probably handle.

10. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
Bright florescent green…not my favorite color but definitely not one to be ignored.

11. What is your favorite sport?
I like to watch football I like to play……um, ya we will just end that question there.

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
Depends on when you catch me…either in a negative or an optimistic mood. haha

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with a clown?
Cry and then go into a zombie state to block out the horrific memories.

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Well if the elevator question was true it would be that….but for reals?....well….nope nothing compares to the thought of being stuck in an elevator with a clown, even if it is a “what if” memory.

15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
I am double jointed and I can’t stand to have my food touching on my plate.

16. Do you have any pets?
Yes, a dog named Frodo.

17. Do you know how to do the macerana?
Hello….who doesn’t?

18. What time is it where u are now?
2:31 pm

19. Do you think dolls are cute or scary?
SCARY especially the ones that close their eyes…um hello…NO!!!

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be???
I would definitely change my eye sight. I can see a thing…oh you mean my body…well probably my tummy. :)

21. What wouldn’t you do for a million dollars?
Kill or expose my self in an immoral way or anything that would hurt my family. Other then that…bring it on!22. What color eyes do you have?
Hazel

23. Ever been arrested?
Not that I know of…..

24. What is your favorite drink?
Chocolate Milk.

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
Get it all in ones and five’s and roll in it……what?

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
The kind filled with so much sugar you are pretty sure your jaw will corrode. Good stuff!

27. What’s your favorite place to hang at?
In my head…man it can get pretty wild in there sometimes.

28. Do you believe in ghosts?
Sometimes…

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Can anyone give the definition of spare time? Not sure I am familiar with that term. :)

30. Do you swear a lot?
NOPE!!!

31. Biggest pet peeve?
When people talk to me like I am stupid. Not a good thing to do to me! And people who drive to slow!

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
I will use the one word Jason uses to describe me…. Eccentric.

33. If you could go anywhere in time where would you go.
Shakespeare time…I would want to sit in the room when he wrote a play or poem, how awesome!

34. If you could live on any planet which would it be?
Pluto…it is the farthest and it is blue…hello who doesn’t love blue planet? (even though they keep saying it really isn’t a planet….i would still pick it)

35. if you had to live on one food for the rest of you life what would it be?Um..that would be cake. Course I would go into sugar shock after a few days, so it wouldn’t be a long life but it would be a sweat one. :)

well I hope that was fun. :)