Six Months!

Can you believe its already been six months since our precious baby boy came into our family and can I tell you he totally completes us!  Here are a few things that Dean liked, no longer likes, loves and hates. :)



Hi....Aren't I cute?

 When Dean was a baby he HAD to be wrapped and it was only tight enough when it got to the point when I felt claustrophobic just looking at him. Only then could he be comfy. And when you cuddled him he had to be smashed up against you barely able to move or he would freak out.... then all of the sudden one day (veterens day weekend actually) he stopped. He wanted to be free, wanted to be able to move around while he slept and that was the end of swaddling. Now he sleeps either on his stomach with his hands above his head (well as far as those little hands can reach, which is also exactly how his daddy sleeps) or on his back with his head cocked so far back you think his neck is about to break. Its odd and cute at the same time. Also an odd thing, Dean refuses to sleep on your shoulder. Its a rare moment when he finds it ok to cuddle with me like that and I soak it up. He almost always HAS to be laying down or in a reclined position. He loves his swing for a quick snooze too. Silly boy. He's so particular in his sleeping arrangements.

This is him sleeping with his head back...how that is comfortable I will never know.

Dean has transitioned to solids. He still nurses (thank goodness) I didnt' think he would with being bottle fed during the day and then getting solids...I mean why work for it when you can get stuff so easy. but I think most of the time he thinks of it as a comfort more then nourishment. However, with learning to eat solids he's learning to chew...so he likes to try to chew on his spoons and bottle lids......and mommy. We've had differences of opinions on wither this is ok or not. ;) He LOVES his food. He's a beefer and I love it. We've had to start mixing his foods with cereal to thicken it up so he doesn't go through three jars (kid you not...he's done it before) of baby food! But he's at a healthy weight and I just hope its a sign he got his daddy's metabolism...that would be such a blessing then I wouldn't have to worry about him struggling with his weight!



He chews on his bottom lip....oh my heck its so cute!



Dean has also started sitting up on his own. He's a tad wobbly and when he gets too excited he will go strait back but he's getting very good at it. He's also started giving baby kisses. Oh my heck I LOOOOVE baby kisses. Brian thinks its so gross and Dean refuses to give him kisses cause of his prickly beard...so mommy gets all the kisses...YAY! I can't get enough of them!

Here is a list of things Dean absolutely loves:

A blue monkey rattle - seriously he loooves this thing (I can't get my video to post so will post it tomorrow so you can see just how much he loves it) it cracks him up!

Tanner - Every time tanner walks in the room Dean is glued to him and wants to squeeze his ears or poke his nose. Tanner's so good and takes it like the good doggie he is.

Love me some bath time!

Bath time - he has so much fun in the tub, he likes the water and it will often calm him down if he's having a rough day. (again, I have a video of bath time I need to post when it will let me).

His daddy - He loves his daddy. He loves sitting with him, playing with him. walking around with him. Just doing guy stuff.

His mommy - He loves me too but in a different way...He always stares at me and honestly I dont' know what he's thinking but it always gives me a warm feeling and then he smiles at me like 'thats my mommy' and I just melt!

His sisters! - He LOVES to play with them. I think he's finally figured out that there is three and not two. for the longest time he would get soo confused when Breana and Bethanie would come around together. But he's learning to tell them apart. Juliet and him have a special bond. Juliet would rather spend time with him then play in her room or watch a movie with her sisters sometimes so she spends more time with him then the twins. They like to play with him but I think find him one dimensional. :)  Juliet on the other hand can't get enough of him and he of her. He gets the biggest smile when he sees her. its so great.

Dean has a smile and a laugh that can light up the room and I'm not just being bias! He really does. His smile takes up his whole face and he laughs with his whole being. Sometimes when he gets super excited he puts his hands in his mouth while he's laughing. cracks me up.

My smile lights up the whole room!

There really isn't much Dean doesn't like. Boogie sucking and being woken up when he's in the middle of a nap or in the morning, running out of food when clearly mommy should have known he wanted to eat like a horse...other then that...he's a pretty dang good baby!

I love my little boy and I can't believe its been six months already!!!!!!! He's growing up so fast, they all are.

Ok so like I said as soon as I can get those videos uploaded I'll post them. :)

  Your going to love this last one. Dean is a flirt. He knows how to wrack in that attention.. mostly with is smiles but this next face just cracks me up!!!!

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Hey....How you doin?

Our Tests

When I was younger I often wondered what would be my tests in life, cause lets face it back then when my poor body image was the greatest of my worries I had it pretty easy....but of course we always think life is the hardest thing ever when you are a teenager. But there were times I would wonder what I would be put through. I would sit there and imagine different scenarios and say yes I think I could go through that.

Now I have been tested. I've been tested in so many ways and can I tell you I did not see those coming?! It started with a divorce....never in a thousand years would I have thought I would go through a divorce and be a single mother, have to start dating over again and try to find a good, responsible, loving man who would want me and my daughter. But I did do it. It hurt like H*$# but I went through it and came out stronger.

I still continue to struggle with my weight....always have, always will. However I am beginning to like myself. I look in the mirror and have those 'uck you're so gross' days! but for the most part I can look in the mirror and say 'wow you look pretty today', I attribute a lot of that to me being more confident and strong, surgery and of course my dear loving husband who makes me feel pretty all the time.

And the other struggle....being a step mom. NEVER in a million billion zillion years did I ever think I would ever have an issue being a step mom....are you serious right now? If you would have come up to me three years ago and said 'You're going to have issues with this" I would have looked at you and said "NO!" with every fiber of my being. But now that I'm here......I can't tell you the daily struggle I go through.

Let me be clear here. In no way am I putting the blame on the children...they are children and through no fault of their own they have come to have issues connecting the way most children should and therefore have problems with lying, common sense and downright brutal defiance. Especially with me who came into their life and changed things around. So I find myself everyday literally having a battle within myself. Every morning I wake up wanting with everything I am to be a good mom and to be the mom they want and deserve, then failing at it and then feeling guilty and angry because I could not.

I can not tell you how many times I've gone into the bathroom and bawled with frustration at them and at me...at the whole situation. How on God's green earth can someone have an issue being a mother? I ask you that...I ask myself that every single day? I would not blame you if you read this post and find me horrible person.....I think that often enough. I just needed to get it out so there it is. My test right now and I won't lie, probably for years to come (since they will be in our house for at least another 11 years....yes sometimes I count the days) is the daily internal struggle, no not struggle, down right war with these emotions and thoughts and failings. Its one of the hardest things I've ever had to do!

some peoples test are different from others and you would think that this should not be so much of an issue. I would have thought so too. But it is...for me at least. I'm still not sure why. Well that's not true...there are reasons but I'm working through them with a therapist so are invalid since they will be corrected and someday, God willing, not be an issue anymore. Because frankly I hate this. I hate that I can't be what I know I should be, what I want to be, what they deserve and I am sorry for it.

I hope to write a post one day to tell everyone how I overcame this and how my children and I have fantastic relationships now and that all of this is over and done and will be another check mark on the completed side of passed tests! That is my hope and my prayer.

No matter how trivial you think you're test is......if it hurts, if its hard, it is a test none the less and yours to get through but that does not mean that it is any less hard and you do not have to go through it silently. I write about mine because that is how I can get through it sometimes. (along with some outstanding friends and family!) Things will get better...they have to. Definitely not this very minute, probably not this day or week or even month...but slowly bit by bit it will......it has too! It has too!