Frumpy days

I've always had a low opinion of myself. I've struggled with my weight for years and it is still an ongoing battle, I've never really been book smart or overly excel at something super fantastic. I have my talents here and there...but for the most part, I'm average.

Sometimes I think I am simply fantastic, or I will catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and say 'dang, I'm pretty today'. But for the most part it is a daily struggle not to focus on the things I don't have going for me!

I know I have this problem of not thinking I'm good looking or thin enough, of not thinking I"m good enough or worth a whole heck of a lot. When I do start thinking like that I try really hard to tell myself something I do well or point out that I have lost over fifty pounds in the last year and the last 20-30 are the hardest to get off. I do, but sometimes the mean me just simply will not go away and she wins. Not often but she does.

The other day I was having such a day. Nothing I did seemed to be good enough or appreciated. the children complained about dinner and homework, I just didn't have the energy to work out (even though I knew darn well it would make me feel better), I was trying very hard to be a good mother, wife and caretaker and frankly I was feeling ugly and fat!!

Brian and I sat down on the couch after the girls went to bed. He asked if I wanted to watch a few shows with him. 'Sure why not...whatever' was the attitude I had.

He sat down, made me turn towards him, touched my cheek, looked over my face and then said:

"My goodness you are beautiful". Then softly kissed me.

It was exactly what I needed, craved and frankly wanted. It made me feel like everything I do was totally worth it and appreciated and that I am not just worth something to someone...I am worth everything to him.

I will definitely have more frumpy days, that is a given....but I know my worth.