where did it go?

I have 3 days until my 26th birthday....what? 26? this is soo not what I had in mind when I was 16 and they asked me where I would be in 10 years. In my plan I was on Broadway...never happened, had a house...um nope not yet, finished collage....tried and failed, had a career I loved and made good money....um like it and make money but still can't catch up!, and had a family...ok. have the starting of one but thought I would have at least 2 kids by now. so, I ask you, where did the time go? it makes me feel old. ok I know 26 is not that old but it really makes me feel old. I should have done something with my life by now. something spectacular, something marvelous.

See all my siblings have amazing talents! they can paint, write, draw, play instruments, write music...just to name a few. I wish I had that kind of talent. I have always been average in whatever came my way....better then being horrible at everything but sometimes I wonder if that would be better. then I wouldn't' be stuck on the sidelines wondering what or when, if ever, my talent will pop out. I should have developed whatever small talent I had to make myself stand out...but I didn't so here I am 25, up to my eyeballs in debt, no house to call my own, a quarter of a collage education and about to turn 26 and feeling old.

if that weren't' enough. Juliet started school today. I know she is only 3, but she is advanced for her age so she is a peer tutor for under-developed kids. she goes for 2 hours a day. we got her a back pack on Saturday. I dressed her all up this morning, took her to McDonald's for breakfast and hyped up the whole new school thing so it would be easier for her. she took it like a champ. went into the classroom, found her cubby (and was very pleased about it), and started playing with a puzzle. I kissed her goodbye and she said see you later. and that was it.....of course as soon as I got in the car my brave, you'll have so much fun mommy face came off and my oh my gosh, what the heck is going on, I just dropped her off at school face came on....along with the tears.

so there we have it. I feel old and un-achieved, except for Juliet. she is a great accomplishment right? she is smart and funny, well rounded and really could do anything. But can I really take credit for that? I mean she was born that way, we just let her be (not like you could stop that girl anyway. hehe). but that's life.